
(Posting Phro’s Christmas hallucinations is becoming an annual tradition, it seems. What? You think it’s too early? Do you really want to be reading this during the holidays? Just take a guess what Phro is describing here: “It arched through the air in a sparkling, rainbow stream of a million pearls. Each drop glittered in the pale light, reflecting and refracting like snowflakes shining in headlights. It was like watching the Milky Way being born.”)
“Jingle bells, jingle bells…”
The song echoed through the chilly night air like hyenas’ cackles slowly raping quiet desert serenity. I could tell from the puddle of bloody vomit that I was lying in that tonight had not been a good night. And I could also tell from the riot police beating my head that it probably wouldn’t end well either.
The Tokyo riot police are specially trained to deal with large groups like demonstrations or what have you. Luckily for me, they don’t carry guns. Unluckily for me, they’re pretty fucking tough and very well trained. They’re not supposed to go ape shit and just beat the fuck outta offenders—but I guess I just bring out the best in people. (If you’re interested in some of the training they undergo, check out Angry White Pajamas about an American poet’s adventures in their year-long Aikido course.)
Through swollen eyes, just before passing out, I admired the cum-covered glory that I had spread about the Ueno Park Christmas illumination display.
Now, you’re probably thinking this was just another boring Phro-got-drunk-on-whiskey-and-rubbing-alcohol adventure. But you’re wrong! Well, okay, a little wrong. First off, I hadn’t had any rubbing alcohol, and I was only slightly buzzed. Second, it wasn’t my fault. Really!!! It was…
The Fucktopus. Continue reading »









