A VIOLATION OF THE GENEVA CONVENTION

 Metal News  11 Responses »
Sep 192011
 

I’m beginning to think that the Geneva Convention should be amended to prohibit album teasers, unless the music sucks like a toothless meth whore, in which case, y’know, the sooner it’s over the better. But when the music sounds awesome, it’s torture to be given just a few seconds of tease and then be left tumescent and unsatisfied.

I used to think Tamás Kátai and his band Thy Catafalque were great. I’ve been singing their praises recently (here, for example). What a fool I’ve been. I’ve learned the hard way that they’re just a bunch of teases. I wake up this morning, bleary eyes still crusted with sleep and belly badly in need of caffeination. I stumble over to the computer and check the e-mail to see if any of my supposed African benefactors have actually made arrangements to provide the bags of gold dust and multi-million-dollar wire transfers they promised in return for my personal details, and what do I see instead but a note from Tamás about the dose of torture at the top of this post.

Yes, it’s a fucking album teaser. Just long enough to produce a swelling sensation in my pants and then . . . silence. It’s an especially heartless thing to do since the new album (the band’s first on Season of Mist) won’t be released until November 11 in Europe and fucking January 10, 2012 in North America. I bet dollars to donuts that they’re not finished with the torturing either. I bet they’re going to release a song sometime between now and then followed by more tumescence and then more . . . . . . . . . . waiting.

I am one of those people who believes that my own suffering will be ameliorated if I cause other people to suffer in the same way. Don’t you just love people like that? So, listen to the teaser, won’t you? It’s after the jump. Continue reading »

A BAND OF ORCS: “WYRD OF THE WINTER WOLF”

 RANDOM FUCKING MUSIC  22 Responses »
Sep 192011
 

A Band of Orcs is a band of orcs who we discovered in October 2010 and included in a piece on “goblin metal”. They’re from that well-known congregating place for goblins, orcs, and assorted other vicious creatures bent on the subjugation of humankind — Santa Cruz, California. At the time of that previous post, A Band of Orcs had one release to their credit, 2007′s debut EP WarChiefs of the Apocalypse, which we described as “full of full-bore, superheated pummeling  – big, thick riffs hammering away at high speed, shrouded in sulphurous fumes and throwing up images of fang and claw.”

The orc clan have been at work on a debut album, which is currently projected for release next summer by a label called Itchy Music. In the meantime, they’ve recently vomited up a 3-song “single” called Wyrd of the Winter Wolf. The physical package includes the title track plus another new song called “Hall of the Frozen Dead”. Both of those songs also appear on the digital version of the single, which is being offered on iTunes and Amazon mp3.

In CD form, the “single” also includes as the third track A Band of Orcs’ cover of a Type O Negative song called “Green Man”, which we previously featured when it appeared on a Peter Steele tribute album that was released in April. It’s a rank piece of flesh-eating evil and therefore a nice addition to this release.

As for the two new ABOO songs, they sound pretty much like what you’d expect if orcs turned their attention from plotting the decimation of humanity and decided to work on some death metal. (more after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

HOW ‘BOUT A TASTE OF GOBLIN COCK?

 Exceptions to the Rule, RANDOM FUCKING MUSIC  6 Responses »
Sep 182011
 

Goblin Cock is a heavy metal band from San Diego, California started by Rob Crow of the band Pinback. I had never heard of them before this morning, when I saw a link to one of their nutzo music videos on another band’s Facebook page. I’m not even sure if the band is still active; their last album (their second) came out in 2009 (the cover is up above). But with a name like Goblin Cock, how could I not check them out?

Once I listened to the music, I understood why I’d not heard of them before — the style is a sludge/doom/stoner-rock amalgam, and that’s a genre niche that I’ve only recently started to explore more seriously.  Goblin Cock’s music is an Exception to the Rule around here, because all the singing is clean, but I do like it. I’m not ready for a steady diet of this, but in small doses the bass-heavy, fuzzed-out chords and catchy melodies do get the old noggin’ noddin’, and the two videos I’ve seen are pretty fuckin’ funny. Plus, I admire their fashion sense — all hooded black robes and masks — and the names the band members have taken for themselves:

Lord Phallus (Rob Crow) – Guitar and Vocals
Larben The Druid (Lara Benscher) – background vocals and Guitar
Bane Ass-Pounder (Dave Drusky) – Guitar
King Sith (Sam Mura) – Bass Guitar
Braindeath (Anthony Fusaro) – drums
Loki Sinjuggler (Adam Ekroth) – Keyboards
Phuck Tard (Mike Goldfarb) – Keytar and Banjo

I’ve put three videos after the jump. You’ll figure out pretty quickly if this is your kinda thing. Continue reading »

LUNATIC MEDLAR

 RANDOM FUCKING MUSIC  No Responses »
Sep 182011
 

Yes, I have been called this name before, but this post isn’t about me. It’s about a new band from Athens, Greece called Lunatic Medlar. The band  is composed of members from other longer-standing collectives: Tardive Dyskinesia, Konkave, Sun of Nothing, and Universe 217. I’m a big fan of Tardive Dyskinesia (most recent post about them is here). So, when I saw a mention of this new band, I checked them out this morning.

Their music turns out to be just what the doctor ordered for a sleep-deprived, slightly hungover Sunday morning here in the Pacific Northwest, where summer is now already a distant memory and it’s wet, cool, and gray (pretty much what every day will look like between now and next July). They’re working on a debut album that will be titled Finely Tuned Machine. Until that baby is ready for birth, the band have recorded five songs in a live performance. The multi-camera videos are pro-quality, and all of them can be streamed on the Lunatic Medlar facebook page.

The music is instrumental metal, featuring the kind of polyrhythmic complexity and heavy groove that first drew me to Tardive Dyskensia, and the live performances are pretty fucking tight. It maketh my head to bang. Check out a couple of the vid clips after the jump. We’ll keep you posted on what’s happening with that album. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 44)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  35 Responses »
Sep 182011
 

Man, time does fly. More than six weeks have passed since the last installment of this series. With so many days drifting by like tumbleweeds on the prairie, I’ve accumulated lots of potential items, including recommendations from our readers. I’ll have to save some of them for the future or this post would go on and on and on, and I know my metalheads, so the last thing I wanna do is overtax your limited attention spans.

What we do in this series is feature images, videos, occurrences, and other items that we think are metal, even though they’re not music. Today, we’re going to start off with a couple of photos and then go from there.

ITEM ONE

You’re looking at Item One at the top of this post. You get one guess what that is. If you guessed the cover art for the next Graveworm album, you’re close, but no cigar.  If you guessed an image of a hydrothermal worm made with a scanning electron microscope, congratulations. These worms are deep-sea creatures and live near hydrothermal vents in the ocean floor. They are very small — almost as small as a bacterium. This photo magnifies the worm 525 times. The true width of the field captured in this photo is actually 568/1000 of a millimeter.

I don’t know about you, but I’m really fuckin’ glad these things aren’t the size of sharks, or pro football linemen. And as far as I’m concerned, they can stay down on the ocean floor. The original of this image is here. Thanks to our buddy Ullr for the tip on this photo. Our remaining items are after the jump. Continue reading »

A LIST OF BAND NAMES

 IQ Subtraction, Phro's Posts  15 Responses »
Sep 172011
 

(Our guest contributor Phro draws inspiration from the most unexpected places, like the names of metal bands — and my last post about fall tours . . . and btw, the photo above has nothing to do with Phro’s post, except sometimes his writing makes me think of Genitorturers. Is that so wrong?)

So, apparently, MetalSucks is trying to out do NoCleanSinging by hosting their very own music festival.  (Copycats.)  It’s cute of them to try, but, I mean, who would you rather see?  Municipal Waste or Massive Wall of Penis?  My point exactly.  Anyway, I took a look at their line up, and I noticed a very…odd…pattern to the definitions behind the band names.  Apparently, every band in all these tours are massive necrozoophilics.  Yeah, that means liking to fuck dead animals.  Just like my uncle Billy Bob.

Seriously, metal community, this shit probably needs to stop.

Municipal Waste – Where you sick fuckers go when the DOT (Department of Transportation) is clean out of dead deer.
God Forbid – What you said when your mom suggested having Fido cremated after he “accidentally” got hit by a car.
Today is the Day – What you promise yourself every morning when you wake up wondering if you’ll finally get the guts to skullfuck that mounted doe head in your father-in-law’s house.  ‘Cause you know it’s been giving you “the eye”.
Howl – What your little dead “date” will never do.
Black Tusk – When you accidentally blow diarrhea all over the elephant tusks you use as butt plugs.
Magrudergrind – The machine you use to puree dead puppies when you beat the DOT to the mess. (more after the jump . . . a lot more . . .) Continue reading »

NEW FALL TOURS

 Metal News  6 Responses »
Sep 172011
 

As a public service, I thought I’d let you know about two North American tours I just noticed yesterday, plus two others announced earlier but not previously mentioned at NCS. The first of the newer ones is advertised by the poster above. What caught my eye, in addition to the name Korpiklaani, was the fact that Russia’s Arkona is on this tour. Arkona is a recent discovery for us here at NCS, thanks to our friend Trollfiend, who provided a guest review of the band’s new album Slovo. Also included on the tour are Polkadot Cadaver and Forged in Flame. I don’t yet know anything about those two bands, but I’m very tempted to see this show simply because of Arkona (though I like Korpiklaani, too), especially because the Seattle stop will be at a relatively small club.

The second tour is the 2011 edition of Thrash and Burn. This has been a summer tour since its inception, but it was a no-show in the summer just past and now appears to have emerged as a re-branding of Winds of Plague’s fall headlining tour. Following in the footsteps of Summer Slaughter, Winds of Plague and the promoters of this tour nominated a group of bands to fill the last tour slot and let fans vote for a winner. A couple days ago, the winner was announced, and it’s Volumes. Interestingly, Volumes was also one of the nominated bands on the Summer Slaughter ballot, but didn’t make the cut that time and instead were included on the Slaughter Survivors Tour. Volumes has a new album called Via that’s getting some buzz, though I haven’t heard it yet.

The rest of the bands on this version of Thrash and Burn are Chelsea Grin, As Blood Runs Black, For the Fallen Dreams, Upon A Burning Body, In the Midst of Lions, and Like Moths to Flames. In other words, the tour should be renamed Deathcore and Burn. No tour schedule has yet been announced.

I must admit that among the fall tours we haven’t yet mentioned at this site, I’m personally more interested in the Mastodon/Dillinger Escape Plan/Red Fang tour and the Mayhem/Keep Of Kalessin/Hate/Abigail Williams tour (which will be joined by Woe on 13 dates not yet specified). The schedules for the Korpiklaani tour and those others I just mentioned are after the jump. Continue reading »

BRUTAL TRUTH: “END TIME”

 Album Reviews  3 Responses »
Sep 172011
 

(This is a grindcore kind of review (very short, borderline demented) by TheMadIsraeli of a grindcore album by one of the ancestral kings of grindcore, Brutal Truth.)

ALBUM FUCK SHIT UP! ALBUM GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

But no, seriously. Brutal fucking Truth? You bet your ass this album rules. A review of this thing is entirely pointless because I’m pretty sure that in order to dislike Brutal Truth you have to be lacking the metal gene and possess instead the I-listen-to-Design-The-Skyline-and-masturbate-to-tranny-porn gene.

What can I say? Well, it’s a throw-back to the quirky style of grindcore they pioneered on their sophomore release Need To Control. As in, it’s a throw-back to an album FILLED THE FUCK WITH FUCKING AWESOME. I mean, these guys are playing so savagely the music sounds like it’s going to fall apart and turn into total shit any minute, performed with such wild abandon, it’s like being shot at with a mini-gun that shoots nothing but sewing needles straight at you at 1000 rounds per second. Like being bombarded with trebuchets hurling bags of sledgehammers at you. LIKE DESTROYING THE FUCKING PLANET WITH YOUR MOST PRIMAL OF SCREECHES! Oh yeah, Kevin Sharp still has it by the way. (more after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

PHRO LISTENS TO BURIED INSIDE’S “CHRONOCLAST”

 Album Reviews, Phro's Posts  9 Responses »
Sep 162011
 

(Yes, that’s what our guest contributor Phro did. He listened to Buried Inside’s Chronoclast album, and not for the first time. And as he did, what apparently went through his fevered mind was this . . .)

Tiny pieces of glass and broken gears scatter across my face like an accidental orgasm in the middle of a porno shoot.  Reaching up, I dejectedly swipe at the pieces, and the annoying flow stops.  And then I hear it…the heavy, trundling march of an unstoppablity.  Fighting the cobwebs still hanging in my head from a night wrapped in the silky arms of an armadillo, I feel my eyes focus on…terror.

It was the bastard Time.  I saw him in all his elephantine glory.  A face not even a blind, drunk whore of a mother could love.  His long, gangly arms hung like limp, worthless mule cocks, and his fat rubbery legs quivered like a hippopotamus gang bang.  His ugly, distorted mouth formed words, but all I hear is the war cry of an ugly dominatrix.  Fuck you, Time.  You ain’t getting my balls today.

So, I stand.  I run.  My lungs burn and sweat stings my eyes.  My thighs are red from rubbing against my jeans, and my balls swell from bouncing against my legs.

Then, Time’s evil whore the Clock rises up from the shadows and punches me right in the dick and I fall to the ground. (more after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

INSOMNIUM: “THROUGH THE SHADOWS”

 RANDOM FUCKING MUSIC  7 Responses »
Sep 162011
 

At the end of August, Insomnium released the first song from their next album, One For Sorrow, which is scheduled to hit the streets on October 12 in Finland, October 17 in the rest of Europe, and October 18 in the U.S. The song was “Unsung”, and of course we had to put it up on NCS pronto (here). If you haven’t heard it yet, it’s a great song.

Earlier this week, the band and Century Media released the first official video from the album for another song, “Through the Shadows”. That video is now on YouTube and can be embedded, so that’s what we’re doing after the jump.

This is not the Insomnium I know and love. Where “Unsung” included clean vocals, they were brief and I thought they worked well in the song. This new one is at least half clean vocals. Is Insomnium drifting toward the Amorphis end of the Finnish melodeath spectrum?

Yes, you can call me a narrow-minded bigot about clean singing in extreme metal. I plead guilty. I don’t hate this song, but it’s not doing much for me either. I’ll just leave it at that and play the video after the jump, because after all, it’s still Insomnium. Continue reading »

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